Day 25 - Heroes

In Robert Bly's learned and enlightened book, "Iron John," in which he uses Jungian principles to analyze the old Grimm fairy tale of the same name, he makes powerful contentions about the development of man in the United States. He laments the absence of a male "initiation" and talks of the growing ocean between fathers and sons. In older cultures, boys would be taken away from their parents and be given a physical, mental and spiritual education, a baptism by fire, with other men. In some more recent cultures, the father is involved as an educator and spiritual leader, but there is still a strong masculine presence required for healthy growth and manhood.

Unfortunately, as both Bly and Dr. Robert Glover in his book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy," they find that the modern man has been pushed away from masculinity, and shamed from his manhood, and is underdeveloped as a man, and so becomes a "nice guy" who is sweet and passive, giving all of himself for no return, in hopes that someone will give him validation or respect (which never happens) he lives his whole life being denied, shamed, pushed, until his middle years and later when he is dull, emotionally broken and numb, and abandoned by the others in his life, particularly the women.

There isn't really a place for boys (and men looking to better themselves also) to find that extra-familial, external, masculine influence in today's America. In the military, drill sergeants play a role that harkens to it, but is a poor facsimile in that the military only cares about the physical fitness of the soldier and that he obeys orders, not that he becomes a mentally, spiritually, emotionally healthy man.

For myself, and I think a lot of people out there, I found a way that allows me to create external pivots and inspirations, role models and motivators, but also requires vigilance and responsibility.

I am a firm believer in heroes. I think it is no wonder that strong male characters in movies, books, comics, video games attract so much attention and legacy among modern men. Where else are we getting a good example of what a healthy, happy, virile, masculine man is like?

There is a point in young male life, when a boy finds a hero and tries to emulate him exactly. It is very important for parents and societies to monitor over who the boys choose, and be sure to provide good, healthy examples of masculinity. He can't be too soft or passive, nor can he be overly-violent and irrational.

Vladimir Putin has, in my opinion, been providing a good public example of what masculinity, checked and tempered, looks like. He is not overtly violent, yet he allows himself to do virile, manly, powerful things. He allows himself to be photographed doing things that are not only extremely masculine, but are also things that require years of dedication, discipline and focus to accomplish, such as piloting a jet, fly-fishing, or wrestling bears. In this way, (despite all of the unsavory, illicit things he may be doing behind the curtain) he has become a good father figure for all the men of Russia.

In our country, however, we don't have that kind of praised masculinity. Ours is stomped out and shamed away, for in terms of civil rights and social evolution, there has been a sea change since the 1960s (arguably the 1940s) and there might not be a healthy conclusion for decades to come.

Since I am not given heroes, I go out and find heroes and role models everywhere, and when I find them, I internalize them, take parts from them that I want for myself, give respect to who and what they are and move on.

I'd like to share a few of mine (coming from history, literature, movies, even comics) to give you some examples:

Theodore Roosevelt overcame his weak, sickly origins to become one of the manliest, most successful (debatably) and memorable presidents this country has ever had. He made a habit of meeting goals, breaking obstacles, fixing problems, and doing it all with a manly vigor and swagger. (see: Theodore Rex at Amazon)

Ernest Hemingway displayed both a spirit of adventure and masculine creativity, turning his desire for a manly realization into the seeds that grew into Nobel-prize winning literature.

Sherlock Holmes is known for his incredibly sharp mind, memory and inductive skills. He is a marvelous example of the power that comes when a man focuses on a goal and skill so extremely that he lives it.

Superheroes are easy examples. Superman is a self-sacrificing force of absolute good, the same archetype as Jesus the Christ or Krishna as a role model. The Batman is a complete display of abstinence in the face of goal-reaching, just like the Buddha. Right now, I am spending quite a bit of time thinking about Marvel's Thor. Chris Hemsworth's Thor in the current Avengers movies is awesome, but he is not the same character that reads in the stories. The current Marvel NOW! Thor title, "God of Thunder," may be one of the best comics I've ever read. It shows Thor from the past, present, and future. In the past, Thor is strong, virile, sexual, and cocky. In the future, Thor is majestic, regal, stern and fatherly. In the present, Thor is responsible, jovial, extroverted, and inexorable in his decision-making and goal-meeting. One of the things that the three Thors share that I find to be particularly inspiring, is their willingness to make a decision, to give their word, to be supremely confident that they will accomplish that goal, and be true to their word, and be happy and brag about the results. It feels very right, very masculine to me. I take that with me as I grow into a better man.

The identity of the heroes in your life can be the most beneficial influence to you, or the most destructive. Take caution to watch who you emulate and learn from. Go out into the world and find men that inspire you, that make you better, that make you less ashamed to be a man, and more happy to be alive.